Faith vs. Works

These last few weeks have been a bit hard. The stresses of motherhood and just life in general are taking their toll. My smile doesn't come as easily as it should. Christmas was good. Can't complain. Our holiday was marked with a couple of accidents. Again, nothing serious and we were all safe, which is the most important part. So, why the meloncholy? This last week was especially hard as I allowed myself to get sucked up in some conversations on FB that really brought me to my knees. While I was fully aware of the intentions of a friend's questions about the mormon church, I still gave her the audience she was wanting. I spent a whole day getting caught up in trying to argue with someone who clearly didn't want to hear what some of us had to say. She and her pack of wolves were on the attack. By bedtime, I was so depressed. There was a dark cloud hanging over me that was so thick I could have cut into it. I was anxious and sick to my stomach. That is when I knew I had to let it go. By letting go, I mean closing out my FB account so that I wouldn't be drawn back into the drama.  My testimony was unshaken, But I was feeling weak. I knew I needed to change my focus. As I did this and have had more time to ponder these last few days I have had so much more clarity of thought. So much more time to reflect and let the spirit teach me things that I needed to hear. I was also able to attend the temple with my sister for which I am so grateful. The peace I felt there and the things I learned have only added to the sweet feelings that I have been feeling.
As the spirit has been teaching me, I have come to realize a few things. I don't know if I can put it all into words but I will try.
Some of those things those people said were right. I can learn something from them. I have been reflecting on something a couple of them said about how we don't have to feel quilty all of the time. Hello! My whole last post was all about that. As I've studied and pondered the chapter in James about faith and works, I've had a few 'ta da' moments. For mainstream Christians, they get the faith part. According to them, that is all we need for salvation. As a members of the LDS church, we understand works are a part of that faith. But, how many of us go along worrying so much about the works part that we forget to have the faith part. We get so caught up in what we have to do and what we haven't done, that we are constantly beating ourselves up. I can see how easy it would be if you spent your whole life in the works mode and never felt like you were measuring up, to leave the church. As one lady put it, she felt so much peace when she left the church because she no longer worried about her salvation. Was that peace, or was that relief from all the pressure that we put on ourselves that we just don't measure up? Where was the faith in her works? I would give up, too. Honestly, we never will be able to measure up. We can spend our whole lives going about doing good works and never be able to repay the debt we are in to our Savior. And He doesn't expect us to ever be able to repay it. All He wants is our best selves. All He wants is for us to repent when we make mistakes, and for us to forgive ourselves instead of getting down on ourselves for not meeting His expectations. This is where the faith comes in. We give Him our best selves. We spend our lives trying and failing and repenting and trying and failing and repenting. And in the cases where we succeed, we can celebrate with Him. In the end, after all we can do, through our faith, He will step in and allow His grace to make up where we fall short. Put the guilt away and remember that we must have faith WITH our works. We can not have one without the other. Where we fall short, the Lord will make up the rest. As I am figuring this out, the smile is coming back. I am so grateful for my Savior and for all He has done for me. For me, there is peace in knowing that after all I can do, I have a loving Savior who will meet me the rest of the way.